How to say “I’m celebrating differently this year”.
As the festive season approaches, the pressure to follow family traditions can feel overwhelming. We reached out to expert Birgitta Ronn for her insights on how to gently navigate the taboo of carving out your own holiday path, even when it means breaking from tradition.
How can I tell my family I want to spend Christmas differently?
The holiday season is soon upon us and it is often portrayed as an eagerly anticipated time of joy and festive cheer; seeing family, eating and relaxing. For some, however, this time of the year can be challenging and bring forth stressful emotions of obligation and unspoken expectations.
As a therapist, I have seen first-hand how the stress surrounding Christmas can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety, especially when one wishes to pursue an alternative Christmas experience altogether. So how do we navigate the tricky path of following our inner voice that tells us what we long for, without feeling we’re letting our loved ones down? And how do we handle the potential judgment from extended family and friends without falling out?
It all comes down to boundaries, a popular topic if you scroll through Instagram and rightly so. Boundaries are essential gateposts that help us build and maintain emotional resilience that nurtures self-worth. Boundaries help us define what is acceptable and what is not in our relationships with others and ourselves. If you are a people pleaser then this may be the area most in need of practice.
How Christmas is spent can be such an emotionally loaded topic that makes it particularly tricky to announce plans that may not align with the traditions of your family, so it is a good idea to prepare yourself mentally and practically. Whether you’re seeking a quiet celebration, a different cultural experience, or simply time for self-care, acknowledging your needs is the first step toward creating a fulfilling holiday time.
Steps to Set Healthy Boundaries
1. Take time to really ponder what you want Christmas to mean to you. Do you want a peaceful, quiet retreat, do you want to volunteer, or maybe use the time off to travel? Is Christmas something you even look forward to? Spending time with yourself to soul search is an important first step that will pay off later on.
2. When you know what you want, communicate your plans to your family and friends. Be honest about how you want to spend your time. It can be easier to use ‘I’ statements to express your feelings, such as ‘I feel overwhelmed by traditional celebrations and would prefer to spend this Christmas differently.’ Being clear about what you want is crucial as it makes it easier to articulate it to others - anything flimsy and you may run the risk of others convincing you to abandon your plans.
3. Learn to practice the art of standing your ground. Being assertive means that you are comfortable communicating your wishes but are not open for negotiation. Setting boundaries often requires a degree of assertiveness to stand firm in your decisions. Know and trust that it is okay to say no to invitations or family traditions that no longer resonate with you.
4. Don’t let people’s reactions surprise you. It is important to know that when we set a new boundary, not everyone will respond positively. Some may feel hurt, confused or even lose their temper. Be prepared for this and remind yourself that their reactions are not a reflection of you or your worth as a person. You can love someone and still give yourself the permission to have an alternative Christmas.
5. You might have managed the difficult family conversation but that does not mean it won't feel strange to extract yourself from the family dynamic over Christmas. Embrace your courage that has given you the opportunity to create new traditions that align with your new values. This could be as simple as recognising that it took a lot of bravery to go upstream and that you are proud of yourself for sticking up for yourself.
6. It’s natural to feel guilt when deviating from the norm, especially when you’ve never done it before but practising self-compassion is vital. Remind yourself that it’s okay to prioritise your happiness and mental health and that in time, people get used to almost anything. Acknowledge that everyone’s holiday experience is unique.
7. If you’re still struggling with feelings of guilt and shame, consider talking to a friend or a qualified therapist. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others who understand can provide validation and encouragement at a vulnerable time. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Once you’ve set your boundaries and communicated your plans, allow yourself to embrace your alternative Christmas wholeheartedly. Engage in all the activities that bring you joy, spend time with people who uplift you, and allow yourself to enjoy the season in a way that feels authentic to you. You are rewriting your personal narrative.
Setting boundaries for an alternative Christmas takes courage. By understanding your needs and communicating them effectively, you can create a holiday experience that resonates with your true values. Remember, it’s perfectly okay to celebrate differently—your happiness matters and Christmas can be a time of joy that reflects who you truly are. Embrace your alternative celebration without guilt and relish the peace and fulfilment.
Written by Birgitta Ronn, Hypnotherapist.
To find out more about how Birgitta could help you see her profile in Clementine app and book a complimentary chat.