The hard lessons I learnt from my weekend studying Non Violent Communication.

by Christian Norman, 11th December 2020

The hard lessons I learnt from my weekend studying Non Violent Communication.

 

•  You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you can’t connect to your feelings and needs first then it makes it very hard to connect with others and experience a real connection. Great ways to do this are to try our sessions that really get you back into your body like xxx.

•  Everyone has their own set of needs and they just want to be heard and understood. Some people go about this in a way that is really dickish. But knowing this helps me have empathy for them and understand that underneath it all is something that needs to be met and understood.

•  Good luck connecting to others if you can’t connect to yourself. Standing in your own needs, accepting your needs, putting your needs first takes guts! And is a prerequisite before you can connect or meet the needs of others. 

•  You may really want someone to do something, be a certain way with you or give you something. However we really need to understand that person's capacity to fulfil that request. If someone isn’t that way then we need to accept we can’t always get what we want from them and may have to go elsewhere to get our needs met. We need to then adjust our expectations of them and make requests that have a compromise that they are able to fulfil.

•  The power of your intention. If your intention is to connect with someone then you are more likely to do so and resolve the issue you are having with them. If your intention is ego based like power, dominance, self serving, greedy then you are likely to butt heads. No sh*t right? But honestly it surprised me how checking in with my intention before a conversation really helped me find a mutual resolution with them where everyone could leave happy. 

•  If you want someone to change their behaviour you have to really lay it out for them. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timebound. 

•  Listening, really hearing another person is hard work. I found it so difficult to absorb all the words and hidden needs people were communicating with me in such a short space of time. Often in difficult situations people rant, nothing is linear, they throw curveballs and play all sorts of games when they feel defensive. I think it’s just practice but it really helps to paraphrase what someone has said to them so you can make a connection. A good way to keep the connection up is to ask for clarification.


 

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