Radical Honesty in Relationships: The Check-In That Changed Everything
Let me start by saying—I’m not a relationship therapist, and I definitely don’t have a “perfect” relationship. But what my husband and I do have is radical honesty. And while that might sound great in theory, in practice, it’s often messy, uncomfortable, and really bloody hard.
We have tough discussions, heated debates, and yes, a fair few arguments. But for us, it’s worth it. Because we know that honesty—real, unfiltered, sometimes awkward honesty—is the only way we can truly respect each other and move forward together.
Looking back, I realise that this radical honesty only really started after my mental health breakdown. Before that, I kept so much inside. Maybe I was trying to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or just not rock the boat. But when I finally had to admit that I was struggling with panic attacks, anxiety, and low mood, something shifted. That moment of truth forced a level of openness between us that hadn’t been there before.
One of the biggest turning points came when I started writing out my vision for our life—our future, our careers, how we actually wanted to live. It wasn’t until I finished that I realised… this isn’t just my life—it’s ours. So, I shared it with my husband.
Let’s just say, not everything aligned. Some things we agreed on, others we really didn’t. And thank god we talked about it. Because imagine if we’d just assumed we were on the same page? That conversation showed me how easy it is to drift apart without even realising it.
I won’t share all the details here—some things I choose to keep private—but what I will say is that it made me realise something big: radical honesty isn’t just for romantic relationships.
Applying Radical Honesty to All Relationships (And Yep, I’m Still Learning…)
If I’m being totally honest, I’ve still got a long way to go with this. After a brutal friendship breakdown last year, it hit me that I needed to apply the same honesty to all my relationships—friends, family, everyone. And wow, that’s easier said than done.
I’ve started having these check-ins with my closest friends—asking real questions, being willing to hear honest answers. It’s not always comfortable, and I definitely don’t always get it right. But I’ve learned that these conversations—however awkward or messy—are what build trust. They’re what keep relationships real.
And sometimes, they show you that a relationship has run its course.
That’s the part we don’t talk about enough. When you start getting radically honest, you might realise that you and someone you care about just aren’t aligned anymore. And that’s hard. But what’s even harder is pretending everything’s fine when deep down, you know it isn’t.
A Few Check-In Prompts for Deeper Conversations
Whether it’s with your partner, a friend, or a family member, here are some questions that can open up a proper, honest conversation:
How are you really feeling about our relationship right now?
Is there anything you’ve been holding back that you wish you could say?
What’s one thing I do that makes you feel truly seen and valued?
What’s something I could do differently to support you better?
What does our ideal future together look like to you?
These conversations aren’t always easy. And I’ll be honest—I’m still working on it. But here’s what I do know: when we avoid the hard stuff, we don’t actually avoid it. We just delay it.
Kim Palmer - Founder, Clementine