Leaving My Kids for a Month Felt Impossible—Until I Did It

I had known that I needed to prioritise spending more time with my parents, but because NZ is so far, I always seemed to find ways to not go. But even as I made plans, I felt that creeping sense of guilt. Could I really leave my kids for four weeks? Would my family manage without me? Would people think I was being selfish for prioritising this time?

The Emotional Build-Up

The hardest part had nothing to do with being away. It was deciding to go.

Before I left, I grappled with all sorts of feelings — guilt, anxiety, self-doubt. It wasn’t just my decision; my husband and I had to find the right time when we were both ready, when it worked for everyone. But for me, the question wasn’t whether to go. It was when.

Once I was off and running, though, something changed. From the moment I set out on my journey, I felt such a peace. No second-guessing, no guilt. Just relief. I could finally immerse myself in the experience and be present with my parents.

What I Learned When I Stepped Away From Everything

Spending four weeks with my parents, without my children, was one of the most meaningful experiences I’ve had. Here’s what I took away:

✔️ I should have prioritised this sooner. Life moves quickly, and I now see how important it is to carve out time for the people who matter most. This wasn’t just a trip; it was an investment in my relationship with my parents & this means the world to me. Also it’s been interesting to rebuild a relationship as adult to adult not parent to child. Spending 4 weeks together allowed us to get to know each other again, like properly and it was just so so lovely.

✔️ The impact was greater than any guilt. My family didn’t just manage—they thrived. My children had the opportunity to bond in a different way with their Dad. It’s easy how you can easily fall into ‘role’s so it was a good chance for the three of them to do things differently. And some of their habits and rituals are really welcomed. My husband and I also realised that not every holiday needs to be a “whole family” holiday. Sometimes, doing things separately makes sense for everyone. Of course there were wobbles along the way. And yes it was super hard work for my husband to look after the kids solo whilst working, but they coped.

✔️ My central nervous system feels repaired. I thought I was generally quite good at keeping stress at bay. But I guess you just get used to low level stress being part of your everyday existence. And now that I think about it, alot has happened in the past ten years like giving birth to two children, one is nuerodiverse so that has been tough, a mental health breakdown, COVID, pivot in career and the list literally goes on and on and on. So this was the first time that I was able to go slooooooow. Like really slow. Without anyone asking me for anything. With no real agenda other than just spending time with my parents. Now I know that going away for 4 weeks with no kids is a total privilege and not something I can do every year but it’s certainly got me thinking about how I can build in more time of silence, no agendas and just mooching.

✔️ People’s opinions are just that—opinions. Some were supportive, while others raised eyebrows. “You’re leaving your kids for four weeks?” “Will your husband be okay on his own?” If my husband had done the same, no one would have questioned it. That alone says a lot about the expectations placed on mothers. But I’ve learned that people’s reactions often reflect their own experiences rather than mine.

The Power of Taking Time for Yourself

There’s a belief that, as parents—especially mothers—our lives should revolve entirely around our children. That taking time for ourselves somehow takes something away from them.

But here’s what I’ve learned: stepping away doesn’t diminish your role as a parent. If anything, it adds value. I came back feeling refreshed, more present, and more grateful—which ultimately benefits my family, too.

My husband and I are rethinking how we approach family time. We’re exploring different ways to take breaks—sometimes as a full family, sometimes solo, sometimes splitting up and doing different things with the kids. I guess the main thing is that we are acknowledging that we are worth taking the time out to care for ourselves too.

Looking Ahead

Would I do this again? Absolutely. And I won’t wait so long next time.

If you’ve been putting off something for yourself—whether it’s a break, a passion project, or just a little time to reset—consider this your reminder. Life moves fast. Your needs matter, too. And sometimes, the best thing you can do for your family is to take care of yourself first.

Kim Palmer - Founder, Clementine