Let’s talk about sex baby (and what we really want from it!)
by Katie Lee, 13th August 2020
I don’t know if you’ve seen the conversations happening around Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallions new song WAP. Do we struggle to celebrate women who are liberated and empowered in their sexuality because we are nervous about talking about sex, for fear of being judged?
I don’t know about you but I got so many negative messages about my vulva as a teenager (I also didn’t realise it was called a vulva until last year but that’s a whole other story!) Boys on night buses being gobby about ‘beef curtains’ and jokes about fishy fannies, it’s no wonder that it took me a long time to feel comfortable with someone being down there. And I still struggle, I’m 38, I think it’s about time to let go of some of that shame and fear!
Hollie McNish is one of my favourite people to hear talk. She really gets to the heart of so many conversations centred on societal pressures and how things can be better, bringing such humour and lightness to so many subjects but I particularly enjoy how she talks about sex. This poem ‘The long term effects of fanny hate or just let him stay down there’ brilliantly and succinctly brings out some of the ways my lack of confidence has manifested over the years.
It wasn’t until I was with a partner who approached sex with me and my pleasure being pivotal to his enjoyment that things changed. We would have really open conversations that gave me the space to feel comfortable and confident to share. Slowly and gradually feeling able to give feedback and ask to try other things. I’ve since realised that I’d built up fear to even talk about small things but actually it’s so much easier to talk about than I’d realised. Other partners have been equally receptive and even enjoy talking about sex in this way too. What a game changer!
We might not be able to get to the Cardi B’s level of liberation straightaway but perhaps we can start with asking our partners for something that we might like. It’s like anything starting with small things and build up from there! Whether that’s where we’d like to be kissed, talking about how we’d like to be touched or just letting them stay down there!